• Hullo.
  • We’re going to pop in a cheeky two week isolation before Christmas so we can spend the Christmas week with my in-laws, shaking the shit out of each other’s hands, shouting in unventilated spaces until we’re hoarse and breathing in each other’s mouths with gay abandon. Just like baby Jesus would have wanted.
  • This is possible because I’m on maternity leave anyway so taking my two year old out of nursery is er… easy peasy.
  • Speaking of nursery. E’s head has become the home to a single mother and about 20 children again because somebody at nursery did not delouse themselves thoroughly enough.
  • I know what you’re thinking - just use the shampoo? No my dudes - the shampoo doesn’t work on the eggs! I swear it used to? Like when we were little? Anyway - those were the good old days before smothering our children’s heads in pesticides was considered a bit reckless.
  • We went to Southend-on-sea today and it was amazing. I ate some fresh hot doughnuts. They were amazing. Hot, pillowy, sugary, perfect.
  • Back in February E came home with a card that said “Mummy, I love you from the bottom of my heart to the tips of my toes” with a heart made by her footprints. Sweet, you think, but hang on a second - the bottom of her heart to the tips of her toes? That’s like, 2/3rds of her at best? and most of that is either bowels or legs? THINK IT THROUGH PEOPLE. I still think about it.

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