• I watch Have I Got News For You. I know I’m not supposed to like it because it’s establishment men being smug about the news but I do OK?
  • Anyway anyway I watched the first social distancing episode and my god I have not seen any telly that bad ever in my life. It was excruciating. They were all dialling from their respective homes and of course there was no live audience.
  • Firstly - somebody please get these men a green stick, they look like they’ve been boiled. (Steph McGovern was hosting and looked great, presumably because she’s been paying attention in hair and makeup).
  • Secondly - not only is this not funny it is also really uncomfortable. It’s awkward. It’s four strangers at a dinner party who have been told to be funny. Despite the fact that it would have been edited, the timing was still off.
  • I had to leave the room.
  • Nice weather eh?
  • I had a bit of a funny interaction with the local garden centre. They sent me the following email in response to a question about what varieties of strawberries they had:

    Thank you for your email. strawberries pegasus, red gauntlet, florence, elsante, alice, sweet heart please call the shop to confirm and make payment for this [REDACTED PHONE NUMBER] we are extremely busy thanks

  • How rude I thought. Don’t call me sweetheart. Do you want my business or not?
  • I nearly didn’t respond because I was so narked off by the tone, but then I did because I do actually really want some strawberry plants as last years ones have root weevils and are looking very sad.
  • Anyway, when the plants arrived I looked at the handwritten notes from our conversation:

    strawberry varieties

    • pegasus,
    • red gauntlet,
    • florence,
    • elsante,
    • alice,
    • sweet heart
  • So - Alice, and Sweet Heart are both varieties of strawberry, apparently, and sometimes people are just giving you lists of strawberries rather than being rude.

Did you like this? Are you still using RSS? Subscribe here!