A week in France. Same place as last year. This year we were joined by one of Lachieâs brothers and his girlf. Absolutely lovely to be able to spend time with some extra family members.
Chaz, getting naked: âIâm just getting into my party clothes mum, youâre born wearing your party clothesâ [he is misremembering the phrase âbirthday suitâ].
I absolutely ripped through âYesteryearâ by Caro Claire Burke.
I also knit up the empty corpse of a Little Cotton Rabbit ready for stuffing and sending when I get home.
I was hoping the tomatoes would rally now the heat is over but they are still just really bad! Next year I will plant them outside. Despite again trying my best with the squashes I have gotten about 1.5 this year, again the drought.
E has returned from her grandparentâs with a 1980s commonwealth games scotland team kit hoodie which was originally her granâs from when she ran cross-country for scotland.
Though Brittany is not that far away I did get some new-to-me continental exclusive birds on the bird app: The tawny owl and the middle spotted woodpecker. The place we were camping in was full of owls, you could hear them every night.
We went to a butterfly house and I saw the most beautiful and perfect butterfly Iâve ever seen. The purple swallowtail.
We also stopped by Franceâs largest wooden church in the pretty french town fo Honfleur. I would have liked to spend more time there but 50% of my party did not agree that this was interesting or worthy of their time.
Big August energy as I methodically pick my way through the days until we leave for France.
I didnât go as mad for the eclipse as all you other space-nerds but I did enjoy the crescent shadows and the eerie light.
Iâm doing a lot of interviewing at the moment at work and I need everyone to know that, for better or worse, 2 months after Iâve interviewed someone there is a 80% chance I will not recall them at all. I just do not retain faces or names. So if youâre thinking âAlice interviewed me once and didnât give me the job and now itâs weirdâ - no it isnât because chances are I donât remember. Unless youâre the SEO expert sent by a recruitment agency who turned out to be an expert in optimising search engines. The way in which we gradually realised - oh this is the opposite of what weâre looking for - one of the funniest interviews Iâve ever been in.
Still no rain. I had thought we had a hosepipe ban in Brighton but then I looked it up and it turns out Iâve been judiciously schlepping water about in the watering can for no reason.
Using the hosepipe still felt like it ought to be illegal.
The pond has lost about 30cm of water through evaporation and it can only be refilled through rain water because tap water has too much other stuff in it and the pondlife will not be happy.
While the kids were away I banged out an Atelier Brunette Le Top in some red linen I got from Vinted. Le Top is very nice, a bit complicated and the instructions werenât the best, meaning I did have to do some un-picking.
Hereâs a photo of me in a lift wearing my new top.
In Soho I note that the pavements have gone a strange colour. They are darker than usual, and splodgy or stripy. I wonder if I am imagining it. THe next day the strange colour strikes me again and I realise itâs because it hasnât rained and this is a monthâs build up of liquids people drop on the floor. I mention this to my colleague and he says âyeah, and it smells of pissâ. Of course I donât have access to this sensory layer so this is news to me. âAre you smelling piss right now?â I ask, âno Iâm smelling doughnuts right nowâ. We are walking past a doughnut shop. âNow I am smelling pissâ he says.
Dopey things I did this week:
Left my coat on the train (will I ever see it again - Iâve followed the correct process. I will let you know.)
Took three charging bricks and four different cables in to town to keep my phone functioning for the end of day trip up north only to realise none of them connected any of the bricks to my phone.
Got off the train at the wrong station (Wilmslow) when Lachie was waiting for me at the correct station (Stockport)
Lucky Iâm hot.
On Saturday I took the kids from one set of Grandparents to the other via a 3 hour train that connects both locations. I printed out a lot of maths puzzles for the kids to do and they were extremely well behaved, drawing compliments from other passengers about how organised I was. Obviously kept all the previous train shenanigans to myself.
Last Sunday we packed up the maximum our Corsa E could handle (volumetrically speaking) and headed to Wowo. Jeremy described this as ânot like normal camping, more like the Soho House of family campsitesâ. Every pitch has a fire pit. It has a stream, woods with big muddy slopes to scrabble around in, evening entertainment every night and an on site shop that only sells organic things and a large number of items with a âGreat Tasteâ award.
On Monday afternoon I headed off for a massage and a couple of hours in the on-site spa. I took Lemn Sissayâs book âMy Name Is Whyâ which I found on a wall in Brighton. Lachie says you canât read a book in a Sauna. He means âcanâtâ in a âitâs just not rightâ sort of way, and I have to say that the glue in the book did melt and the pages did start to fall out. But look, itâs a great book, and I read it in all three of the saunas. And in the plunge pool. And in one of the hammocks strung between trees like a normal person too.
The massage was broadly good but too âwooâ for me, the masseuse was so extremely earnest and clearly vibrating on a spiritual plane that I am not on, so there was some mugging along with some somewhat awkward woo business. After the massage another person at the spa told me that there were some goddess cards on the table and so if I was seeking answers from the universe I should definitely make use of them as I convene with nature. I actually have a perfectly functional magic 8 ball at home so I didnât take her up on this offer.
Another high point was getting a blanket out and lying with the girls in our sleeping bags spotting satellites, pointing out the plough, and trying to explain to them (8 and 7 years old) that space contains mostly nothing but also everything.
When I was born, there were approx 750 satelites orbiting the earth. There are now ~18,500
Another big hit of the camping kit was the friendship bracelet making kit I threw together out of a bunch of embroidery thread I inherited from Lachieâs great aunt.
The kids came up with camping nicknames for us, Lachie was âscottyâ and I was, regrettably, âboobsâ.
I got to trot out my favourite apple fact which is that a Jazz apple is a cross between a Braeburn and a Gala.
On Friday I went to see Nick Cave with my Dad and Lachie. I wouldnât describe myself as a particular Nick Cave fan and as such I do think he could probably have trimmed about 10 songs from the set and I would not have minded. However he did bring KYLIE MINOGUE out to sing their duet, and I got to see their wonderful friendship in real live.
Every time I see some old bloke being borderline rancid looking in public (cf some of the bad seeds, or Gary Oldman in wild horses) I think how massively annoying it is that no women seem to be allowed to be that feral.
E and I have been playing Animal Crossing New Horizons together. I make her little gifts and she seems to do a lot of fishing and bug catching. And we leave each other little messages on the board.
Tonight itâs Pride in The Park and Iâm going to do a 5k run during Fiveâs set so I can listen to them as I run the perimeter.
The water butts are now out of water, except for the hard to reach dregs. I canât wait for it to rain but when will it?
On Wednesday I spent 3 hours unable to connect my work laptop to the internet, a problem that I was only able to solve by uninstalling and reinstalling the VPN. It was very annoying! I am still annoyed! 3 hours!
Weâve introduced universal basic income for the kids. Both get ÂŁ1 per week plus extra for doing chores. The chores are either 20p chores: sort washing, hang washing, water 5 plants, find things in their rooms to throw away, fill bird feeders or 50p chores: Water tomatoes, put away toilet rolls.
Pay day is Saturday. This week the kids earnt 80p and ÂŁ1.70 in additionals.
E and I are currently reading our fifth consecutive Terry Pratchett book - The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents. If you read to any eight year olds on the reg I really recommend this one, along with Pratchettâs Bromeliad Trilogy. This one is so good I kept making up reasons in the middle of the day to go and read some more with her. Pratchett writes with such wit that sometimes Iâll stop and weâll talk about how good a sentence is.
Eâs favourite Pratchetism is from Wings:
âSPACE: There are two types of space: a) something containing nothing and b) nothing containing everything.
Next we will read âOnly you can save the universeâ (Pratchett) OR for a little break, âMrs Frisby and the rats of NIMHâ which I donât remember much about but I do remember liking a lot as a kid.
I did think, fleetingly, that Iâd actually be quite into it if England won the menâs world cup. Anyway, never mind. Weâre currently the same distance from âThree lions on a shirtâ as the Lightning Seeds were when they released that song. #60yearsofhurt.
Double birthday party weekender.
I am once again sliding off of the running habit. This is how it always goes - run for a year and then just stop for no clear reason. Iâd like to maintain the habit⊠itâs just so boring?
As I was tucking wee man into bed I realised⊠he was missing one of his front teeth. He had no recollection of losing it. Heâd been home from school for hours at this point and nobody had noticed him having or not having the tooth. He said at school he was holding a rope in his mouth and a kid yanked it out, and it hurt so maybe that was when the tooth came out? It wasnât even wobbly. Anyway. This is what being 6 is like. You lose a tooth and you donât even notice.
The kids came home with school reports. Both very complimentary. Chaz once again praised for his âinfectious smileâ.
When will it rain. The water butts are getting very low. Arghhh.
C has really got the hang of empathy appeals lately. The other day, when weâd run out of bagels so I couldnât give him one for breakfast he said âHow would you like it mum, if I ruined your birthday?â and I said âmate, itâs not ya birthdayâ and he said, emotionally, âITâS MY BIRTHDAY WEEK?!?!?!â.
Canât imagine where he gets this incredibly dramatic personality from.
I drank two bottles of (very nice) wine with Nina on Thursday. We definitely talked about you. All of you.
The saga of the power cable is over - one of my colleagues left and I nicked theirs. Itâs slightly soiled but the electrons flow through it just fine.
If it seemed like I zoned out in a conversation we were in recently I was probably just thinking about the pattern maths required to fit a sewing pattern to my torso. Iâve done it now so I am once again at peace.
We had a birthday party for wee-man this week. High point was Lachie telling all of Chazâs friends it was now time for them to try to throw wet sponges at him, which they did with great enthusiasm. What a ledge.
Lachie and E sometimes do Junior Park Run, but despite him being a far superior runner, it was with me that she got her Park Run PB. And for about 18 months, Lachie and E couldnât even get within a minute of it. I was extremely smug about this, and Lachie was so confused that he even raised the possibility that we had somehow cheated (!). Anyway, for fatherâs day I said to E - hey, why donât you try and beat your PB with dad today? And that was all the motivation she needed to clear it by a full minute. Losing my own PB coach status was all the motivation I needed to get back on the Junior Park Run circuit, so this morning, much to Lachieâs disbelief E and I went out and took another minute off of her record. And once again I am the PB coach đ
]]>Week 409: Nobody will ever know2026-07-05T00:00:00+00:002026-07-05T00:00:00+00:00https://alicebartlett.co.uk/blog/weaknotes-409
Evening. The squashes have started to fruit, though they are also looking a bit mildewy.
Iâm not ready for the peas to be over, sending E out to pick a bunch for a snack is just so wholesome. But theyâre drying up a bit and getting too bitter, and the cucamelons from last year have regrown where the peas were so I need to make space.
Last week I took Chaz in to town and bought him a new pair of trainers. Heâs been sprinting about ever since. Canât help himself.
I also bought him a new toothbrush. Unfortunately the only one he liked was a Harry Potter one. Not because he likes Harry Potter but because he liked the colours. I have a longstanding Harry Potter ban in place, I find the authorâs views to be so reprehensible that I wonât have her franchise in the house. However, this was the only correct age toothbrush available so we bought it and then when I got it home I simply sanded off the logo and any identifying marks. Chaz hasnât even noticed. Nobody will ever know.
Iâve been reading Terry Pratchett to E. We started with Truckers, Diggers and Wings. Now weâre doing Carpet People. I love these books, every so often there is a really good clever bit and I say to E - âwasnât that bit so funny? I wish I could write like thatâ and she nods.
These are late because I couldnât be arsed. You get what you pay for dear reader.
C has started asking me questions about what I think about things. He often doesnât listen to the answer but he has at least picked up the conversational device of pretending to care so that he can then tell me his answer. He asked me what the best day of my life was the other day and then told me that the best day of his life was when his granny and granddad took him to the beach and made him french toast on a camping stove. Fair play to Granny and Granddad.
I said it was probs when I got to meet him and his sister for the first time and he said I had to pick one day, not two. And I said âhow would you feel if I told you the best day of my life was the day I met your sister, not you?â and he quickly agreed it was OK to have two best days.
Somewhat inconvenienced by the schools closing due to the heat, but Lachie did all of the childcare so I cannot complain.
On Thursday, day two of the red heat warning, it was the work summer party. The venue was incredible, a beautiful castle grounds in Northamptonshire. There were food trucks, a band, massive misting machines, a quest, lots of canopies to keep people in the shade and a 14 flavour slushie truck. Tragically, it did take me five hours to get there and five hours to get home, partly because of the 36 degree heat, and then there was the hour sat on a static train because of a trespasser on the line.
Not that surprising but there are more people with full body (arms, legs and neck) tattoos in my new job than there were at the last place.
On Friday I took the kids to the fully at capacity Saltdean Lido. It was actually⊠Iâm sorry to say this⊠a little too cold beside the pool. Breezy and a bit overcast.
I am determined to have more garden lettuce, I had to rescue my seedlings and bring them indoors, into my office, so they wouldnât expire due to the heat.
I made a summer pudding last weekend. It looks like brains - way uglier than I remember my mumâs looking - but it tasted great.
