At my local park run there are some bollards, and when people run through them in a crowd, they put their hands in the air and some yell āBOLLARDS!ā. They also have bright pink bollard toppers that sit over the top of them.
None of this helped me on Saturday when, while looking back at someone on the side of the path I ran squarely into one. It was extremely painful and, I assume, also very dorky. I was saying hello to someone and I was also thinking āthere are some bollards coming up iād better -ā. Anyway. As I yelled immediately, āIām OK!ā but I did need to get the special peas out of the freezer.
I hadnāt realised how often the kids sort of throw themselves into my crotch.
At swimming lessons I have to sit really close to the edge of the pool. Closer than anybody else. And if everybody else had to sit that close it would be quite difficult for the instructors. Anyway as a result, this week I learnt that the important part of breast stroke legs - aka ābend star snapā - is the snap part not the star part. Not interesting but it is true.
Eight years ago, for my firstbornās first birthday, instead of a normal present, we bought her a plank on the Crystal Palace bridge (to be built) engraved with her name. The donation was to fund the renovation of the dinosaurs and the building of a new bridge to help with maintenance. In the time since that happened, I have heard absolutely nothing about this project from the people to whom I donated. Some days I even wondered if it had been a very convincing scam. We have also moved away from London. A few years ago, a bridge was built, but it didnāt have any planks at all, and there was definitely no tribute to any donors nearby.
This weekend we went to Crystal Palace to see the dinosaurs on the way to a friendās 40th. Much to my delight, there is now a very lovely plaque with my now eight year oldās name on it, along with about 5 other people and a then lot of clubs and companies š
Anyway - all of this is yet more proof that doing nothing is a good idea.
Please can nobody tell my son - who LOVES dinosaurs - that his sister has her name on the fence of the Crystal Palace Dinosaurs. Many thanks.
At park run this week I recognised the woman scanning my barcode as a local legend. Sheās in the W60 category and has recently run at a 100% age graded pace (ie world record speed for her age and gender). I said hello and in a very uncool way told her she was a big deal. She said that she was injured and had lost her confidence a bit so it was really nice to hear that. Anyway - be uncool and nice to people!
The grapes did not come in this year. I assume they did not bother because of the extreme drought. The skyomish tomatoes are on the vine but have not yet ripened. I got 1.5 squashes from the three squash plants I planted. I did get some cherry tomatoes butā¦ just a couple of handfuls. Ah well, the peas were good this year.
Next year Iāll grow the toms outside.
At the beginning of the week I felt frumpy, grumpy and dumpy but actually it was just hormones as always.
]]>Week 418: Bodily fluids in the wood room2026-09-06T00:00:00+00:002026-09-06T00:00:00+00:00https://alicebartlett.co.uk/blog/weaknotes-418
I learnt a new word this week - adrenache. Itās where your eight year oldās adrenal glands kick into action and things get a little crazy! āøA little loco in the casa you knowā½ This happened in April and I remember it very distinctly although I didnāt realise that was what was going on.
The new and improved Muller family came to visit and nobody got any bodily fluids (or solids!) in the Wood Room. The wood room is our nice(r) living room but we do have some rules about what our kids are allowed to do in there that do not apply to guests but this was confusing for our children.
I gave baby Muller - or āMuller Liteā as I like to think of her - a Little Cotton Rabbit and some animal toys from t-lab which have a very nice tactile feel to them.
In other good making news someone stopped me at the Open Market in Brighton to ask me where Eās jumper was from (I had knitted it) and then asked if she could take a photo of it. E agreed to the photo and I also wrote down the pattern name (Petite Knit Marseille Junior)
A week in France. Same place as last year. This year we were joined by one of Lachieās brothers and his girlf. Absolutely lovely to be able to spend time with some extra family members.
Chaz, getting naked: āIām just getting into my party clothes mum, youāre born wearing your party clothesā [he is misremembering the phrase ābirthday suitā].
I absolutely ripped through āYesteryearā by Caro Claire Burke.
I also knit up the empty corpse of a Little Cotton Rabbit ready for stuffing and sending when I get home.
I was hoping the tomatoes would rally now the heat is over but they are still just really bad! Next year I will plant them outside. Despite again trying my best with the squashes I have gotten about 1.5 this year, again the drought.
E has returned from her grandparentās with a 1980s commonwealth games scotland team kit hoodie which was originally her granās from when she ran cross-country for scotland.
Though Brittany is not that far away I did get some new-to-me continental exclusive birds on the bird app: The tawny owl and the middle spotted woodpecker. The place we were camping in was full of owls, you could hear them every night.
We went to a butterfly house and I saw the most beautiful and perfect butterfly Iāve ever seen. The purple swallowtail.
We also stopped by Franceās largest wooden church in the pretty french town fo Honfleur. I would have liked to spend more time there but 50% of my party did not agree that this was interesting or worthy of their time.
Big August energy as I methodically pick my way through the days until we leave for France.
I didnāt go as mad for the eclipse as all you other space-nerds but I did enjoy the crescent shadows and the eerie light.
Iām doing a lot of interviewing at the moment at work and I need everyone to know that, for better or worse, 2 months after Iāve interviewed someone there is a 80% chance I will not recall them at all. I just do not retain faces or names. So if youāre thinking āAlice interviewed me once and didnāt give me the job and now itās weirdā - no it isnāt because chances are I donāt remember. Unless youāre the SEO expert sent by a recruitment agency who turned out to be an expert in optimising search engines. The way in which we gradually realised - oh this is the opposite of what weāre looking for - one of the funniest interviews Iāve ever been in.
Still no rain. I had thought we had a hosepipe ban in Brighton but then I looked it up and it turns out Iāve been judiciously schlepping water about in the watering can for no reason.
Using the hosepipe still felt like it ought to be illegal.
The pond has lost about 30cm of water through evaporation and it can only be refilled through rain water because tap water has too much other stuff in it and the pondlife will not be happy.
While the kids were away I banged out an Atelier Brunette Le Top in some red linen I got from Vinted. Le Top is very nice, a bit complicated and the instructions werenāt the best, meaning I did have to do some un-picking.
Hereās a photo of me in a lift wearing my new top.
In Soho I note that the pavements have gone a strange colour. They are darker than usual, and splodgy or stripy. I wonder if I am imagining it. THe next day the strange colour strikes me again and I realise itās because it hasnāt rained and this is a monthās build up of liquids people drop on the floor. I mention this to my colleague and he says āyeah, and it smells of pissā. Of course I donāt have access to this sensory layer so this is news to me. āAre you smelling piss right now?ā I ask, āno Iām smelling doughnuts right nowā. We are walking past a doughnut shop. āNow I am smelling pissā he says.
Dopey things I did this week:
Left my coat on the train (will I ever see it again - Iāve followed the correct process. I will let you know.)
Took three charging bricks and four different cables in to town to keep my phone functioning for the end of day trip up north only to realise none of them connected any of the bricks to my phone.
Got off the train at the wrong station (Wilmslow) when Lachie was waiting for me at the correct station (Stockport)
Lucky Iām hot.
On Saturday I took the kids from one set of Grandparents to the other via a 3 hour train that connects both locations. I printed out a lot of maths puzzles for the kids to do and they were extremely well behaved, drawing compliments from other passengers about how organised I was. Obviously kept all the previous train shenanigans to myself.
Last Sunday we packed up the maximum our Corsa E could handle (volumetrically speaking) and headed to Wowo. Jeremy described this as ānot like normal camping, more like the Soho House of family campsitesā. Every pitch has a fire pit. It has a stream, woods with big muddy slopes to scrabble around in, evening entertainment every night and an on site shop that only sells organic things and a large number of items with a āGreat Tasteā award.
On Monday afternoon I headed off for a massage and a couple of hours in the on-site spa. I took Lemn Sissayās book āMy Name Is Whyā which I found on a wall in Brighton. Lachie says you canāt read a book in a Sauna. He means ācanātā in a āitās just not rightā sort of way, and I have to say that the glue in the book did melt and the pages did start to fall out. But look, itās a great book, and I read it in all three of the saunas. And in the plunge pool. And in one of the hammocks strung between trees like a normal person too.
The massage was broadly good but too āwooā for me, the masseuse was so extremely earnest and clearly vibrating on a spiritual plane that I am not on, so there was some mugging along with some somewhat awkward woo business. After the massage another person at the spa told me that there were some goddess cards on the table and so if I was seeking answers from the universe I should definitely make use of them as I convene with nature. I actually have a perfectly functional magic 8 ball at home so I didnāt take her up on this offer.
Another high point was getting a blanket out and lying with the girls in our sleeping bags spotting satellites, pointing out the plough, and trying to explain to them (8 and 7 years old) that space contains mostly nothing but also everything.
When I was born, there were approx 750 satelites orbiting the earth. There are now ~18,500
Another big hit of the camping kit was the friendship bracelet making kit I threw together out of a bunch of embroidery thread I inherited from Lachieās great aunt.
The kids came up with camping nicknames for us, Lachie was āscottyā and I was, regrettably, āboobsā.
I got to trot out my favourite apple fact which is that a Jazz apple is a cross between a Braeburn and a Gala.
On Friday I went to see Nick Cave with my Dad and Lachie. I wouldnāt describe myself as a particular Nick Cave fan and as such I do think he could probably have trimmed about 10 songs from the set and I would not have minded. However he did bring KYLIE MINOGUE out to sing their duet, and I got to see their wonderful friendship in real live.
Every time I see some old bloke being borderline rancid looking in public (cf some of the bad seeds, or Gary Oldman in wild horses) I think how massively annoying it is that no women seem to be allowed to be that feral.
E and I have been playing Animal Crossing New Horizons together. I make her little gifts and she seems to do a lot of fishing and bug catching. And we leave each other little messages on the board.
Tonight itās Pride in The Park and Iām going to do a 5k run during Fiveās set so I can listen to them as I run the perimeter.
The water butts are now out of water, except for the hard to reach dregs. I canāt wait for it to rain but when will it?
On Wednesday I spent 3 hours unable to connect my work laptop to the internet, a problem that I was only able to solve by uninstalling and reinstalling the VPN. It was very annoying! I am still annoyed! 3 hours!
Weāve introduced universal basic income for the kids. Both get Ā£1 per week plus extra for doing chores. The chores are either 20p chores: sort washing, hang washing, water 5 plants, find things in their rooms to throw away, fill bird feeders or 50p chores: Water tomatoes, put away toilet rolls.
Pay day is Saturday. This week the kids earnt 80p and Ā£1.70 in additionals.
E and I are currently reading our fifth consecutive Terry Pratchett book - The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents. If you read to any eight year olds on the reg I really recommend this one, along with Pratchettās Bromeliad Trilogy. This one is so good I kept making up reasons in the middle of the day to go and read some more with her. Pratchett writes with such wit that sometimes Iāll stop and weāll talk about how good a sentence is.
Eās favourite Pratchetism is from Wings:
āSPACE: There are two types of space: a) something containing nothing and b) nothing containing everything.
Next we will read āOnly you can save the universeā (Pratchett) OR for a little break, āMrs Frisby and the rats of NIMHā which I donāt remember much about but I do remember liking a lot as a kid.
